If you reach a point in your life where you no longer feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, know that you are not alone; I was (and still am) there.
It means your spiritual lamp is out of oil. No oil – not on fire for Christ. It’s like you desperately want to get filled with the Holy Spirit, but it’s not happening, leaving a huge painful hole inside of you. Your soul is no longer a well-watered garden, but a howling wilderness.
Are you too focused on a cup of soup? Are you so focused on fulfilling the lust of the flesh?
When our first love becomes the world’s pleasure, we will become a tree that no longer bears fruit and is pruned. That love for the world is like a disease within a tree, where you no longer bear fruit because of deception. Allowing filth into your heart will destroy your walk with God.
GRIEVING THE HOLY SPIRIT
I was trying hard to get healed. I was trying hard to get set free of strongholds. I was trying hard to get a feeling of Him coming back.
Just because you can’t feel the presence of the Holy Spirit doesn’t mean He isn’t present; He is simply grieved.
Imagine the Holy Spirit as a fire. When we quench the Holy Spirit, we are dampening God’s flame instead of fanning it, pushing it down instead of helping it grow stronger and more beautiful.
If we continue to grieve and reject the Holy Spirit, ignoring scripture’s instructions and the Holy Spirit’s conviction, we will quench the Holy Spirit because we have so thoroughly rejected Him.
That’s why we have to walk in the forgiveness of Christ. We have to make straight our path and walk in the will of God. Part of this is pursuing peace with all men and trying to make every attempt to make things right.
To be holy means to be set apart.
ARE YOU GIVING THE DEVIL TOO MUCH CREDIT?
After God’s presence was no longer present, not even 0,001% I felt like I was fighting a demon or a sin in the back of my throat; I wanted to spew it out, but it wouldn’t come out:
“When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation.”
Matthew 12:43-45
Demons can trouble you if you have given them a foothold through sin.
With so much on your mind, you may lose faith in the Lord’s ability to heal you. But don’t fall into that trap! We serve an all-mighty God!
Remember that while demons are powerful, God is all-powerful!And they can never separate you from God’s love:
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39
REPENT
Begin by praying and asking God to reveal sin in your life that is getting in the way of your walk with Jesus – if God makes you aware of something, you must repent of it:
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.”
Revelation 2:5
I find that when I have trouble repenting, it’s often because I have pride issues in my life. Pride is spiritual blindness that causes us to think our standards are better than God’s standards.
I had planned to share with you what goes on in the heart of a believer who falls back into sin, but then I had five visions that I hope will help you and speak to you. 🙂
GUARD YOUR HEART
In my first vision, the Lord showed me a burning candle, which Satan blew out in an instant. Then a blood-red letter with the word “redeemed” appeared.
How well do you guard your heart? “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Don’t let Satan play with your heart, or you’ll howl and wail in the desert. Sometimes the Lord gives you the answer right in front of your eyes, but if you keep wondering how and why your eyes will become cloudy.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21
Doubt, unbelief, complaining, self-pity, unforgiveness, rebellion, anger, and stress are all sins that grieve the Holy Spirit.
SURRENDER EVERYTHING TO JESUS
In my second vision, I saw burned green grass.
How should the Lord’s meadow be watered? What kind of fertilizer are we using? If we seek a quick spiritual fix rather than completely surrendering our lives to Jesus, we will never know the fullness of God.In this case, the burned grass won’t grow.
You have to surrender everything to the Lord and begin to trust Him; this is the truefertilizer that will cause the watered grass to grow again.
REBELLION IS THE BIGGEST SIN AGAINST GOD
In the third vision, I was trapped in a ball, and a thorny net began to unfold down the hill. I landed on a hospital bed, fighting with all my might and crying from the agony of my soul’s emptiness, unsure of what to do.
Then I saw the receiver and called out for help – Jesus – before putting it down. I dialed again, stayed on the line, and asked the Lord for his first instruction. Satan’s head flew around me, and I got my first lesson:
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7
TRYING MY BEST BUT FAILING
I saw a car with a full tank of gas that eventually ran out of fuel in my fourth vision. I gave it another go at charging, but it didn’t work. It’s similar to constantly adding gas only to find out that the tank is still empty.
What is missing? The problem is not with the filling, but with the pipe, which could be leaking or cut by the devil.
To figure out what’s wrong with your pipe, you need to look deeper.
SIN HAS CAUSED US TO FALL SHORT
The fifth vision showed me standing on top of a building, falling to the ground floor, and trying desperately to figure out how to get back into the elevator so that I could keep going up. It looks like you entered an elevator on the top floor and slowly descended from there.
The answer to how to start moving up again is to arm yourself with God’s armor.
HOW TO RESTORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS
If you grieve the Holy Spirit that much, it will feel as if everyone else sleeps at night, but you can’t because the dog howls all night outside your door. While you are conscious of the fact that something is wrong and your soul is experiencing pain, you are unsure of how to get out.
I can relate to Psalm 38. Do you as well?
“There is no soundness in my body because of Your anger; there is no rest in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have overwhelmed me; they are a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds are foul and festering because of my sinful folly. I am bent and brought low; all day long I go about mourning. For my loins are full of burning pain, and no soundness remains in my body. I am numb and badly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.”
Psalm 38:3-8
One quote about how we perceive our sin shifted my perspective: “We’re more concerned about our own “victory” over sin than we are about the fact that our sins grieve God’s heart.” Jerry Bridges
HOW TO CLEANSE YOUR HEART SPIRITUALLY
How should a spiritual condition like this be treated?
Healing starts with the right therapy and medicine, which can only be obtained through Jesus.
You will require heart surgery:
“And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well do not need a physician, but those who are sick.”
Luke 5:31
You must be the branch that is connected to the vine – Jesus.
Remove all other gods from your life.
Get rid of what’s destroying you.
Put away the old ways and seek God’s forgiveness.
Stop willfully sinning, it’s spiritual suicide:
“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.”
Hebrews 10:26-27
Ask God to prune unfruitful branches in your life and deepen your faith and love of His Son.
We are called to be new creatures, set apart and holy, and to reconcile with one another.
So let us seek God’s will, the born-again experience, the changing and softening of our hearts, and walk in the love and forgiveness of Christ.
We will not experience the fullness of God by striving, but by abiding. Stop trying, start relying upon – Jesus.
Don’t let Satan’s schemes confuse, distort, and deceive you. Repent, surrender, and place your faith solely in God.
“But the one who endures to the end will be saved.”
Matthew 10:22
If you need some more in-depth thoughts on this subject, these videos may be helpful;
Off the Kirb ministries: “This is why you never mess with the Holy Spirit.”
Delafe testimonies: “I backslid from God, but then this happened.”
Thanks very much for this page, it has been an eye opener.
Hello, Lydia. Thank you; I’ve just prayed for you! God’s loving arm will always be with you, and He will wipe away every tear you have shed. Trust Him in every season of your life. God Bless You! 🙂
my heart is so hard it’s feels I can’t surrender I don’t know how to anymore.
I hope I’m not spiritually blind to the point to where I can’t repent.
how did you repent, and Did you humble yourself if you were spiritually blind.
Did you prey and ask God take the blinders off?
Hi! I want to reassure you that the very fact that you are concerned about this shows that your heart is not beyond hope. The enemy wants you to believe that you can’t repent, that you’re too far gone—but that is a lie. Jesus’ arms are always open to the one who turns to Him. Look at how the prodigal son returned to his father, and the father welcomed him back with overwhelming joy and love!
I completely understand what you’re feeling—I’ve been in that place, too, where surrender seemed impossible and my heart felt cold. But I want to encourage you: Repentance is not about mustering up the right emotions or trying harder—it’s about coming to Jesus just as you are. Even if all you can say is, “Lord, I want to surrender, but I don’t know how,” He hears you! He knows the battle in your heart, and He can break through even the hardest places.
I felt overwhelmed, as if many demons were tormenting me, leaving me blind to God’s mercy and afraid to come into the light. But that was the enemy’s lie. As the Bible says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This verse holds two powerful promises—He WILL forgive us, and He WILL cleanse us completely!
Yes, I humbled myself, but my heart still felt heavy. I repented, but it seemed like sin still had a grip on me—I struggled to fully trust and surrender. Just as deep roots take time to be uprooted, the same is true for certain strongholds in our hearts. Some sins require a deeper cleansing before they are fully removed. So I prayed, “Jesus, I don’t want to live like this anymore. I can’t keep walking without fully trusting and surrendering to You. Please help my unbelief. Change me. Break every idol in my heart.”
The enemy wants you to focus on your sin, but God wants you to fix your eyes on the Savior. Keep seeking Him—He is faithful to finish the good work He started in you!
Yes, I prayed and asked God to take the blinders off. And He did—but not all at once. He gently led me, showing me step by step who He is, and my heart began to soften the more I spent time in His presence. What helped me was writing down Scriptures about who God is and who I am in Christ. I started seeing His love in a new way.
If you feel like you can’t surrender, ask Him to help you. You don’t have to do this on your own. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” This is God’s promise to you—He is the one who softens hearts, not us.
So, come to Jesus, even in your struggle. Tell Him, “Lord, I want to surrender, but I need You to help me.” He will. He is faithful.
I will be praying for you, dear friend. You are deeply loved, and God is not done with you yet.
I highly recommend reading this powerful article from Desiring God: The Devil Cannot Condemn You. It’s a great reminder of the freedom we have in Christ!
Would you please pray for me? I’ve prayed these very prayers but fear that it must be too late. God remains so silent. I recently opened my Bible and without meaning to it took me to the book of Jonah. This is after seeing Jonah referenced more than once recently in posts by others. Then just the other day a teacher whom I’ve followed for some time taught on just this — Jonah and broke down Jesus’ teaching when referencing the sign of Jonah to the Pharisees. I can’t help but feel God was telling me that it is too late and that I am condemned because I didn’t repent sooner. I am so lost and confused. There is simply no evidence that Jesus desires a relationship with me. There is so much more I could share but all I am left with is so many questions and feelings of defectiveness and being discarded by my Creator. I thought since I was five that Jesus was my Savior and then decades later examined my life and began questioning my salvation. I was finally choosing to make Jesus Lord of my life. I’ve done all I can in my own strength and tried to be obedient but am left with nothing but despair. Why is Jesus’ invitation not for me?
Dear sister in Christ, Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I’m praying for you!
As long as there is breath in your lungs, it’s not too late. Today is the day of salvation, today is the time of grace! God’s mercies are new every morning — they are never limited or exhausted by our failures. Even in our darkest moments, His mercy is present and renewing. His love is relentless, and He is always ready to restore and renew us. Every morning brings a new opportunity to experience His forgiveness and hope. His faithfulness is a daily promise we can depend on.
Sometimes, God works the deepest things in the quietest moments. And sometimes He doesn’t give us answers to our “why” questions, but gently points us back to Himself.
Perhaps God is speaking to you through the story of Jonah. And let me encourage you — Jonah is a story of mercy, not punishment. Jonah was thrown into the sea and swallowed by a big fish – but the fish was not a punishment; it was God’s act of mercy. Jonah resisted God’s direction, but despite His disobedience, God, in His mercy, provided a whale to reroute Jonah, so he could advance His kingdom.
Whenever I read this passage in the past, I always saw Jonah being thrown into the sea and swallowed by a fish as punishment for disobedience. But the fish was not a punishment! It was God’s act of mercy and protection to preserve Jonah from death. It was also perhaps God’s means of getting Jonah’s full attention and gave him space to turn back to Him, because it was in this darkest moment that Jonah turned back to God, realising that only God could save Him. In the very place that seemed like the end, God was still at work — saving, refining, and renewing. When Jonah finally surrendered and cried out to God, he discovered again the compassion and mercy of the Lord. Knowing well God’s gracious and compassionate nature allowed Jonah, in his bleakest moment, to proclaim faith in God’s goodness.
Even when we don’t understand His ways, we can trust His heart. If God disciplines or allows difficult seasons, it’s because He loves us too much to leave us where we are. He is drawing you back to intimacy with Him, and He intervenes so that we can be brought back to the right path – of becoming like Christ.
I’d also encourage you to consider fasting — it helps crucify the flesh and sharpens spiritual sensitivity. I once tried to do everything in my own strength, too, until one sister in Christ gently told me, “Maybe it’s time to surrender.” That’s where freedom begins — not in striving, but in receiving what Jesus has already finished on the cross.
I just feel I can’t pray and I can’t repent from the sins (and I also don’t know exactly what I am doing wrong). I just feel there is very little hope left.
Hi, I want to encourage you with Romans 2:4: “Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”
True repentance is a gift from God, not a burden to carry. Repentance is a gift offered to sinners by a compassionate God. It is His gracious invitation, not a punishment to endure. Pride, fear, shame, or unbelief can create barriers that keep us from fully turning to Him, but God longs for restoration, not condemnation. Repentance is not about earning forgiveness—it is about receiving His abundant grace.
I understand how heavy this struggle can feel. I, too, have been in a place where I felt like I couldn’t truly repent. I would confess my sins, yet I wasn’t fully surrendering every part of my life to God. It felt like I had no power to overcome sin, and that burden weighed on me.
At one point, I felt as though strongholds of not trusting the Lord and leaning on my own understanding and not surrendering control to God were so strong in me. But He gently showed me something powerful: instead of focusing on how I couldn’t give everything to Him, I needed to shift my focus to simply being near Him—resting in His fellowship, drinking from His living water. And as I did, the chains of sin slowly began to break. This is a process, and I still need God to uproot strongholds in my heart, but I have seen His faithfulness time and time again. When we feel weak, He is the One who transforms us. He is the One who softens our hearts, uproots what needs to go, and renews us from the inside out.
You don’t have to do this in your own strength. God is already at work in you, even now. His grace is greater than any sin or struggle. Keep seeking Him, even when you don’t have the words—He hears the cries of your heart.
I once came across a beautiful quote that perfectly speaks to this situation: “Praying and sinning will never live together in the same heart. Prayer will consume sin, or sin will choke prayer.”
Here are some truths to hold onto:
God’s Mercy Is Always Available – No sin is too great for His grace (Isaiah 1:18).
Recognize Spiritual Blindness – Pride or self-righteousness can keep us from seeing our need for repentance (James 4:6).
Let Go of Shame and Guilt – The enemy condemns, but Jesus brings freedom (Romans 8:1).
Repentance Requires a Soft Heart – Ask God to replace a hardened heart with one that longs for Him (Ezekiel 36:26).
Turn to the Holy Spirit for Help – He convicts, transforms, and leads us into truth (John 16:8).
I am praying that God will lift the heaviness from your heart, break every chain of sin, and fill you with His peace. He is faithful, and He will complete the good work He has started in you!
Most importantly, remember this: God is not waiting for you to be perfect before you come to Him—He invites you as you are. His love is not based on your ability to pray the right words; it is anchored in His unchanging mercy.
Romans 8:26 reminds us that when we don’t know how to pray, “the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Even now, the Holy Spirit is interceding for you!
Hope is not lost, because hope is a person—Jesus Christ. And He has not left you! Even when you don’t feel Him, He is near. Isaiah 42:3 says, “A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench.”
If your faith feels weak, He will not put it out—He will gently restore you. He does not condemn you; He longs to lead you into freedom. Keep holding onto Him. He is with you always!