If you reach a point in your life where you no longer feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, know that you are not alone—I was there too (and, in some ways, still am).
It can mean that your spiritual lamp has run out of oil. No oil—not on fire for Christ.
You may desperately long to be filled with the Holy Spirit, yet feel as though nothing is happening, leaving a huge, painful hole inside of you and a sense of emptiness within.
Your soul no longer feels like a well-watered garden, but like a howling wilderness.
Are you too focused on a cup of soup? Are you consumed with fulfilling the desires and the lust of the flesh?
When our first love becomes the world’s pleasure, we become like a tree that no longer bears fruit and must be pruned. That love for the world is like a disease within the tree—it deceives us and slowly robs us of fruitfulness.
Allowing filth into the heart will ultimately destroy our walk with God.
GRIEVING THE HOLY SPIRIT
I was trying hard to be healed. I was striving hard to be set free from strongholds. I was striving desperately to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit again.
But oh, how deceived I was in all my trying. All I needed was not to strive, but to abide.
Just because you can’t feel the presence of the Holy Spirit doesn’t mean He has abandoned you or is no longer present; He is simply grieved.
Imagine the Holy Spirit as a fire. When we quench the Holy Spirit, we dampen God’s flame instead of fanning it—pressing it down rather than allowing it to grow stronger and more beautiful.
If we continue to grieve and reject the Holy Spirit, ignoring scripture’s instructions and the Holy Spirit’s conviction, we will quench the Holy Spirit because we have so thoroughly rejected Him.
That’s why we have to walk in the forgiveness of Christ. We have to make straight our path and walk in the will of God. Part of this is pursuing peace with all men and trying to make every attempt to make things right.
To be holy means to be set apart.
Don’t Give the Devil so Much Credit
After I could no longer sense the manifested presence of God— not even 0.001% —I felt as though I were fighting a demon or a hidden sin lodged in the back of my throat. I desperately wanted to spit it out, but it would not come out.
“When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation.”
Matthew 12:43-45
Demons can trouble you if you have given them a foothold through sin.
When your mind is overwhelmed, you may begin to doubt the Lord’s ability to heal you—but do not fall into that trap. We serve an almighty God!
Remember, although demons may be powerful, God is all-powerful, and they can never separate you from the love of God.
“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39 ESV
Repent Of Your Sins
Begin by praying and asking God to reveal any sin in your life that is hindering your walk with Jesus. If He brings something to your attention, you must repent of it.
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.”
Revelation 2:5 ESV
I’ve found that when I struggle to repent, it’s often because pride or self-righteousness has taken root in my life. Pride is a form of spiritual blindness that makes us believe our standards are better than God’s.
I had planned to share what goes on in the heart of a believer who falls back into sin, but then I received five visions that I hope will encourage you and speak to your heart. 🙂
GUARD YOUR HEART
In my first vision, the Lord showed me a burning candle, which Satan blew out in an instant. Then a blood-red letter appeared with the word “redeemed.”
How well do you guard your heart?
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23 ESV
Don’t let Satan play with your heart, or you’ll find yourself howling and wailing in the desert. Sometimes the Lord gives you the answer right before your eyes, but if you keep questioning how and why, your vision will become clouded.
Doubt, unbelief, complaining, self-pity, unforgiveness, rebellion, anger, and stress are all sins that grieve the Holy Spirit.
Surrendering all to Jesus
In my second vision, I saw burned green grass.
How should the Lord’s meadow be watered? What kind of fertilizer are we using?
If we seek a quick spiritual fix instead of fully surrendering our lives to Jesus, we will never experience the fullness of God. In that case, the burned grass will never grow.
We must surrender everything to the Lord and learn to trust Him; this is the true fertilizer that will allow the watered grass to flourish once again.
REBELLION IS AS THE SIN OF WITCHCRAFT
In my third vision, I was trapped inside a ball, and a thorny net began to unravel down the hill. I landed on a hospital bed, struggling with all my might and crying from the agony of my soul’s emptiness, unsure of what to do.
Then I saw the receiver and called out for help—Jesus—before putting it down. I dialed again, stayed on the line, and asked the Lord for His first instruction. As Satan’s head swirled around me, I received my first lesson:
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7 ESV
Trying but failing
In my fourth vision, I saw a car with a full tank of gas that eventually ran out of fuel. I tried refilling it, but it didn’t work—like constantly adding gas only to find the tank still empty.
What is missing? The problem isn’t with the fuel itself, but with the pipe—it could be leaking because of sin or blocked by the devil.
To discover what’s wrong with your “pipe,” you need to examine your heart and dig deeper in your walk with Jesus.
Sin has caused us to fall short
In the fifth vision, I saw myself standing on top of a building, falling to the ground floor, and desperately trying to figure out how to get back into the elevator so I could keep going up. It was as if I had entered the elevator on the top floor and slowly descended from there.
The key to rising again is to arm yourself with God’s armor and to praise Him—whether you feel His presence or not, whether you are on the mountaintop or in the valley.
HOW TO RESTORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH God
If you grieve the Holy Spirit deeply, it can feel like everyone else is sleeping peacefully at night while you are kept awake by a dog howling outside your door. You are painfully aware that something is wrong, that your soul is hurting, yet you don’t know how to find relief.
I can relate to Psalm 38. Can you?
“There is no soundness in my body because of Your anger; there is no rest in my bones because of my sin. For my iniquities have overwhelmed me; they are a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds are foul and festering because of my sinful folly. I am bent and brought low; all day long I go about mourning. For my loins are full of burning pain, and no soundness remains in my body. I am numb and badly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.“
Psalm 38:3-8 ESV
One quote about the way we perceive our sin changed my perspective:
We’re more concerned about our own ‘victory’ over sin than we are about the fact that our sins grieve God’s heart.
Jerry Bridges
You simply need to stop striving and start abiding in the true Vine—Jesus.
Repentance can bring deep healing to your heart.
Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
Romans 2:4 ESV
You have to go into your secret place and start seeking God with all your heart and mind. Seek the blesser, not just the blessing itself.
This is the secret place where God reveals His innermost thoughts and His ways. It is the place where His treasures are found.
Fast.
Stop complaining. Start trusting and simply sit with Jesus in His presence. It is a relationship, not law.
In this way, you will no longer sink, but begin to “walk on water,” no matter the storms around you.
Start praising Jesus for who He is, and walk through your wilderness season under the protection and shadow of the Most High God.
If you are thirsty, come to the fountain that never runs dry—God’s Word.
Be teachable, and allow the Teacher to teach you what He desires you to learn. Listen to His instruction and grow through your mistakes.
HOW TO CLEANSE YOUR HEART SPIRITUALLY
How should a spiritual condition like this be treated?
Healing begins with the right therapy and medicine, which can only be found in Jesus.
You will require heart surgery:
“And Jesus answered them, ‘Those who are well do not need a physician, but those who are sick.”
Luke 5:31 ESV
You must be the branch that is connected to the vine – Jesus.
Remove all other gods from your life.
Get rid of what’s destroying you.
Put away the old ways and seek God’s forgiveness.
Stop willfully sinning, for it is nothing less than spiritual suicide:
“For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.”
Hebrews 10:26-27 ESV
Ask God to prune the unfruitful branches in your life and to deepen your faith and love for His Son.
We are called to be new creations—set apart, holy, and reconciled with one another.
Let us seek God’s will, embrace the born-again experience, allow our hearts to be softened and transformed, and walk in the love and forgiveness of Christ.
We will not experience the fullness of God by striving, but by abiding. Stop trying; start relying on Jesus.
Do not allow Satan’s schemes to confuse, distort, or deceive you. Repent, surrender, stay alert at all times, and place your faith wholly in God.
“But the one who endures to the end will be saved.”
Matthew 10:22 ESV
If you’d like some more in-depth thoughts on this subject, these videos may be helpful:
Off the Kirb Ministries: This Is Why You Never Mess with the Holy Spirit
Delafe Testimonies: I Backslid from God, but Then This Happened
And if you need a prayer, I’m here to pray for you. ❤️
Thanks very much for this page, it has been an eye opener.
Hello, Lydia. Thank you; I’ve just prayed for you! God’s loving arm will always be with you, and He will wipe away every tear you have shed. Trust Him in every season of your life. God Bless You! 🙂
my heart is so hard it’s feels I can’t surrender I don’t know how to anymore.
I hope I’m not spiritually blind to the point to where I can’t repent.
how did you repent, and Did you humble yourself if you were spiritually blind.
Did you prey and ask God take the blinders off?
Hi! I want to reassure you that the very fact that you are concerned about this shows that your heart is not beyond hope. The enemy wants you to believe that you can’t repent, that you’re too far gone—but that is a lie. Jesus’ arms are always open to the one who turns to Him. Look at how the prodigal son returned to his father, and the father welcomed him back with overwhelming joy and love!
I completely understand what you’re feeling—I’ve been in that place, too, where surrender seemed impossible and my heart felt cold. But I want to encourage you: Repentance is not about mustering up the right emotions or trying harder—it’s about coming to Jesus just as you are. Even if all you can say is, “Lord, I want to surrender, but I don’t know how,” He hears you! He knows the battle in your heart, and He can break through even the hardest places.
I felt overwhelmed, as if many demons were tormenting me, leaving me blind to God’s mercy and afraid to come into the light. But that was the enemy’s lie. As the Bible says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This verse holds two powerful promises—He WILL forgive us, and He WILL cleanse us completely!
Yes, I humbled myself, but my heart still felt heavy. I repented, but it seemed like sin still had a grip on me—I struggled to fully trust and surrender. Just as deep roots take time to be uprooted, the same is true for certain strongholds in our hearts. Some sins require a deeper cleansing before they are fully removed. So I prayed, “Jesus, I don’t want to live like this anymore. I can’t keep walking without fully trusting and surrendering to You. Please help my unbelief. Change me. Break every idol in my heart.”
The enemy wants you to focus on your sin, but God wants you to fix your eyes on the Savior. Keep seeking Him—He is faithful to finish the good work He started in you!
Yes, I prayed and asked God to take the blinders off. And He did—but not all at once. He gently led me, showing me step by step who He is, and my heart began to soften the more I spent time in His presence. What helped me was writing down Scriptures about who God is and who I am in Christ. I started seeing His love in a new way.
If you feel like you can’t surrender, ask Him to help you. You don’t have to do this on your own. Ezekiel 36:26 says, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” This is God’s promise to you—He is the one who softens hearts, not us.
So, come to Jesus, even in your struggle. Tell Him, “Lord, I want to surrender, but I need You to help me.” He will. He is faithful.
I will be praying for you, dear friend. You are deeply loved, and God is not done with you yet.
I highly recommend reading this powerful article from Desiring God: The Devil Cannot Condemn You. It’s a great reminder of the freedom we have in Christ!
Would you please pray for me? I’ve prayed these very prayers but fear that it must be too late. God remains so silent. I recently opened my Bible and without meaning to it took me to the book of Jonah. This is after seeing Jonah referenced more than once recently in posts by others. Then just the other day a teacher whom I’ve followed for some time taught on just this — Jonah and broke down Jesus’ teaching when referencing the sign of Jonah to the Pharisees. I can’t help but feel God was telling me that it is too late and that I am condemned because I didn’t repent sooner. I am so lost and confused. There is simply no evidence that Jesus desires a relationship with me. There is so much more I could share but all I am left with is so many questions and feelings of defectiveness and being discarded by my Creator. I thought since I was five that Jesus was my Savior and then decades later examined my life and began questioning my salvation. I was finally choosing to make Jesus Lord of my life. I’ve done all I can in my own strength and tried to be obedient but am left with nothing but despair. Why is Jesus’ invitation not for me?
Dear sister in Christ, Thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I’m praying for you!
As long as there is breath in your lungs, it’s not too late. Today is the day of salvation, today is the time of grace! God’s mercies are new every morning — they are never limited or exhausted by our failures. Even in our darkest moments, His mercy is present and renewing. His love is relentless, and He is always ready to restore and renew us. Every morning brings a new opportunity to experience His forgiveness and hope. His faithfulness is a daily promise we can depend on.
Sometimes, God works the deepest things in the quietest moments. And sometimes He doesn’t give us answers to our “why” questions, but gently points us back to Himself.
Perhaps God is speaking to you through the story of Jonah. And let me encourage you — Jonah is a story of mercy, not punishment. Jonah was thrown into the sea and swallowed by a big fish – but the fish was not a punishment; it was God’s act of mercy. Jonah resisted God’s direction, but despite His disobedience, God, in His mercy, provided a whale to reroute Jonah, so he could advance His kingdom.
Whenever I read this passage in the past, I always saw Jonah being thrown into the sea and swallowed by a fish as punishment for disobedience. But the fish was not a punishment! It was God’s act of mercy and protection to preserve Jonah from death. It was also perhaps God’s means of getting Jonah’s full attention and gave him space to turn back to Him, because it was in this darkest moment that Jonah turned back to God, realising that only God could save Him. In the very place that seemed like the end, God was still at work — saving, refining, and renewing. When Jonah finally surrendered and cried out to God, he discovered again the compassion and mercy of the Lord. Knowing well God’s gracious and compassionate nature allowed Jonah, in his bleakest moment, to proclaim faith in God’s goodness.
Even when we don’t understand His ways, we can trust His heart. If God disciplines or allows difficult seasons, it’s because He loves us too much to leave us where we are. He is drawing you back to intimacy with Him, and He intervenes so that we can be brought back to the right path – of becoming like Christ.
I’d also encourage you to consider fasting — it helps crucify the flesh and sharpens spiritual sensitivity. I once tried to do everything in my own strength, too, until one sister in Christ gently told me, “Maybe it’s time to surrender.” That’s where freedom begins — not in striving, but in receiving what Jesus has already finished on the cross.
I just feel I can’t pray and I can’t repent from the sins (and I also don’t know exactly what I am doing wrong). I just feel there is very little hope left.
Hi, I want to encourage you with Romans 2:4: “Or do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”
True repentance is a gift from God, not a burden to carry. Repentance is a gift offered to sinners by a compassionate God. It is His gracious invitation, not a punishment to endure. Pride, fear, shame, or unbelief can create barriers that keep us from fully turning to Him, but God longs for restoration, not condemnation. Repentance is not about earning forgiveness—it is about receiving His abundant grace.
I understand how heavy this struggle can feel. I, too, have been in a place where I felt like I couldn’t truly repent. I would confess my sins, yet I wasn’t fully surrendering every part of my life to God. It felt like I had no power to overcome sin, and that burden weighed on me.
At one point, I felt as though strongholds of not trusting the Lord and leaning on my own understanding and not surrendering control to God were so strong in me. But He gently showed me something powerful: instead of focusing on how I couldn’t give everything to Him, I needed to shift my focus to simply being near Him—resting in His fellowship, drinking from His living water. And as I did, the chains of sin slowly began to break. This is a process, and I still need God to uproot strongholds in my heart, but I have seen His faithfulness time and time again. When we feel weak, He is the One who transforms us. He is the One who softens our hearts, uproots what needs to go, and renews us from the inside out.
You don’t have to do this in your own strength. God is already at work in you, even now. His grace is greater than any sin or struggle. Keep seeking Him, even when you don’t have the words—He hears the cries of your heart.
I once came across a beautiful quote that perfectly speaks to this situation: “Praying and sinning will never live together in the same heart. Prayer will consume sin, or sin will choke prayer.”
Here are some truths to hold onto:
God’s Mercy Is Always Available – No sin is too great for His grace (Isaiah 1:18).
Recognize Spiritual Blindness – Pride or self-righteousness can keep us from seeing our need for repentance (James 4:6).
Let Go of Shame and Guilt – The enemy condemns, but Jesus brings freedom (Romans 8:1).
Repentance Requires a Soft Heart – Ask God to replace a hardened heart with one that longs for Him (Ezekiel 36:26).
Turn to the Holy Spirit for Help – He convicts, transforms, and leads us into truth (John 16:8).
I am praying that God will lift the heaviness from your heart, break every chain of sin, and fill you with His peace. He is faithful, and He will complete the good work He has started in you!
Most importantly, remember this: God is not waiting for you to be perfect before you come to Him—He invites you as you are. His love is not based on your ability to pray the right words; it is anchored in His unchanging mercy.
Romans 8:26 reminds us that when we don’t know how to pray, “the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Even now, the Holy Spirit is interceding for you!
Hope is not lost, because hope is a person—Jesus Christ. And He has not left you! Even when you don’t feel Him, He is near. Isaiah 42:3 says, “A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench.”
If your faith feels weak, He will not put it out—He will gently restore you. He does not condemn you; He longs to lead you into freedom. Keep holding onto Him. He is with you always!