Since high school, I struggled with suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and depression for “no specific reason.”
I kept asking myself:

“What is wrong with me?”
“Why do I feel depressed when everything in my life seems fine?”
“Why is there such a deep void in my heart?”
“I’m thirsty for spiritual food… but where do I find it?”

Outwardly, my life looked successful. Inwardly, I was slowly falling apart.

Why Do I Feel Suicidal?

Until I found Jesus, I didn’t have the answer to the question that haunted me most:

“How do you fill the emptiness inside the heart?”

I didn’t understand that my soul was starving—not for achievements, relationships, or self-improvement, but for its Creator.

Often, feeling continually sad or oppressed for no clear reason is a sign that your soul has not yet encountered its Savior.

For a long time, I didn’t realize that what I was feeling wasn’t random. The heaviness. The sadness. The suicidal thoughts that came ‘without warning’. Something was happening behind the scenes.

There is a spiritual reality behind what we feel. Scripture tells us that our battle is not only emotional or mental, but also spiritual:

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

Ephesians 6:12 ESV

Maybe you’ve allowed these demons to enter your heart through occult practices, and now Satan is attacking you.

When you don’t yet know your Savior, your heart remains vulnerable.

The enemy looks for open doors—wounds, rejection, trauma, pride, curiosity, pain—and he uses them to whisper lies. Spirits of rejection, depression, hopelessness, and even suicide often hide behind what feels like “just sadness.”

But here is the truth I wish I had known sooner:

Feeling empty means your soul is calling out for God.

As a deer pants for flowing streams,so pants my soul for you, O God.My soul thirsts for God,for the living God.

Psalm 42:1-2 ESV

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The Good News

But here’s the good news. Jesus loves you so much that He died for your sins on the cross—so you wouldn’t have to live trapped in despair, shame, or darkness.

He lives, and He desires to have a personal relationship with you.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Ephesians 2:8-9 ESV

Salvation is not earned. Healing is not earned. Freedom is not earned.
It is a gift.

The mighty name and blood of Jesus have the power to deliver from depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and despair. I am living proof of that.

Looking For Happiness In All The Wrong Places

Like many people, I tried to fill the void with “spiritual” things.

Fortune-telling.
Astrology.
Bioenergy healing.
Law of attraction.
Occult practices dressed up as light.

At first, it felt exciting—like I was finally discovering something fulfillingand powerful. But the joy never lasted. The “high” faded quickly, and I was left feeling even emptier, more anxious, and more depressed than before.

It felt as though I was constantly searching, gathering knowledge, learning new things, yet never arriving at the answer my heart longed for. Still, something deep within me compelled me to keep searching for the Truth.

That is the trap of being “spiritual” without Christ: always learning, yet never coming to the knowledge of the Truth.

Many of the seemingly “sweet” spiritual paths placed before us are subtle deceptions. Satan twists what God has made, creating distractions like chakras, tarot cards, the third eye, and more.

Scripture warned me, even when I didn’t want to listen:

And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

2 Corinthians 11:14 ESV

What looks spiritual isn’t always holy.
What feels good isn’t always healing.

If you are searching for ‘inner peace’ or something to fill the emptiness in your heart, you will never find it through witchcraft or occult practices. These things only blind the heart to the enemy’s lies.

True peace can be found only in our living God, and our souls are made to drink deep satisfaction from Jesus.

We were made for a relationship with God. We are created by the Creator.

Written on our hearts is a revelation that there is a God and that He has a will for His creatures to know Him.

How To Fill A Void In Your Heart?

If you try to fill in the blank of your heart with anyone, anything, or any place other than God, you will never experience true joy, love, peace, and freedom.

But What Do You Do When Your Soul Hurts?

This question lived inside me for years and tormented me.

Even during my greatest successes, I was haunted by sadness, suicidal thoughts, and the constant feeling that something was missing.

I never stopped feeling as though there was a huge hole in my heart. I thought I was the only one searching for a way to fill the emptiness inside me.

Success is supposed to bring happiness, right? Maybe for a brief moment—but things always returned to “normal” for me.

I searched for truth everywhere in the world, yet I couldn’t find it.

I remember asking my friends something that felt uncomfortable and almost embarrassing:

“If your throat hurts, you take medicine.
If your body is sick, you go to a doctor.
But what do you do when your soul hurts?”

No one knew how to answer. And neither did I. The response was always the same: ‘I’m not sure.’

I can honestly say that I was lost, wandering in search of myself and the meaning of life.

Even in my happiest moments, I constantly felt a sense of imbalance—a lack in my heart. It was like I had everything, yet nothing at the same time.

It was as though you could “have everything” in this world and still feel completely discontent.

Achievements didn’t help me. Success didn’t satisfy me. ‘Spiritual experiences’ didn’t heal my heart.

That’s because nothing can fill the place in your heart that was created for God; except God Himself.

Humble Yourself Before The Lord

Jesus wants you to know the Truth, to have a personal relationship with Him, and to be born again. But to embrace Him as your Lord and Savior, you must first deny yourself.

God makes it clear that you cannot have a true relationship with Him if your life is overfilled with pride, sexual sin, alcohol, or other sin. You must humble yourself and approach Christ with a heart of repentance.

I was constantly learning, searching, and consuming information, but never finding truth.

That’s because truth is not a concept.
Truth is a Person.

Jesus doesn’t offer temporary relief.
He offers new life.

Being “spiritual” is trendy today. But Scripture says people will always be learning and never arriving at the knowledge of the truth. Why?

Because truth requires surrender.

Jesus invites us to deny ourselves, not to punish us, but to save us. He asks us to come with humility, repentance, and a willing heart.

And when we do… everything changes.

How To Stop Suicidal Ideation

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts…
If you feel unseen, unloved, or forgotten…
If you’re exhausted from fighting your own mind…

Call on the name of Jesus.

He loves you and cares for you more deeply than any human ever could.

If you pursue God with all of your heart, you will find the Truth, and the Truth will set you free. John 8:32

What matters to God is your heart and your relationship with Him.

Jesus doesn’t just comfort us, He transforms us.
He takes hearts of stone and turns them into hearts of flesh.
He heals our broken hearts and makes them whole.

Born Again Experience

We waste so much time, money, and energy on pursuits that don’t truly fulfill us—things that only leave us feeling emptier. How pathetic is that!

Jesus offers us an abundant life, filled with beautiful colors, peace, and joy through the Holy Spirit.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10 ESV

If you put Jesus Christ at the center of your life, you will never feel empty again. But if you put yourself at the center, emptiness will always follow.

When you surrender to Him, you will experience a new birth, and your spiritual eyes will be opened.

In the new birth, the Holy Spirit supernaturally gives us new spiritual life by connecting us with Jesus Christ through faith.

God Created You For A Purpose

There was a season when my suicidal thoughts grew louder than ever; especially during a season of unemployment. My heart was filled with worry, anxiety, and depression.

I remember crying out:

“God, why do I even exist?”
“Why did You make me?”
“What am I doing here?”

I reached a breaking point.

Surprisingly, after my breakdown, a sense of calm followed. Still, the nagging question, ‘Why did God create me at all?’ lingered.

When the burden of being jobless became too much for me to bear, that downward spiral became the beginning of my relationship with Jesus.

And in that place—when I finally stopped pretending, stopped striving, stopped searching everywhere else—I poured my heart out to Jesus like He was my closest friend.

And something happened.

I felt renewed.
Refreshed.
Alive.

I was overwhelmed with immense joy, happiness, and freedom.

Joy filled a place that had been empty for years. Freedom replaced heavy burdens. Peace replaced anxiety and depression.

You are God’s instrument for spreading His Kingdom on earth.

When God revealed His purpose for my life, the question of why I was alive faded, and everything finally made sense.

Trials Will Come

Since becoming a child of God, I’ve faced moments of darkness, but I was never abandoned. I experienced one breakdown and an intense attack of suicidal thoughts, but by His grace and power, I was completely healed.

Jesus still delivers.
Jesus still rescues.
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6 ESV

There is hope for your life.
There is purpose in your pain.
There is freedom waiting for you.

You will receive the Holy Spirit and God’s actual Spirit, comes inside of you and now He starts changing you from the inside out.

It’s amazing. Something powerful happens. You have joy and happiness that you have never known or experienced before.

If you are struggling right now, please don’t suffer in silence. God often brings healing through people as well as prayer.

Keep searching until you find Jesus.
He is everything your soul has been crying out for.

You are not alone.
You are deeply loved.
And your life matters—more than you know.

If you need prayer, I’m here to pray for you. ❤️