Part of the series: What God Taught Me in the Season of Testing in the Wilderness

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When life hurts you unexpectedly, how will you respond? Will you release forgiveness, or harbor negative feelings and withhold forgiveness?

If you hold back life-giving forgiveness, a root of bitterness will grow in your wounded heart (Heb. 12:15)

Do you tally a mental list of wrongs? If you are keeping such a list, it will weigh down your heart and spirit and can eat away at you.

The list of possible offenses in this life is endless. Maybe you’ve thought, “This time I’ll forgive them—but I will never forget!”How we handle these incidents is critical.

God the Father longs to share with us these key truths to forgiveness. These principles increase our intimacy with the Lord.

This is a God-story of how I forgave my mother-in-law, whom I once thought I could never forgive. The Lord led me through the wilderness, where I finally confronted the unforgiveness I had been carrying.

Jesus still restores broken hearts and relationships today. He is truly the God who takes what is shattered and makes it whole again.

When my husband and I met, we were stepping into the adult world, learning what it meant to be financially responsible and build a future together.

After a little over a month of our relationship, I was welcomed into the heart of his family. At that time, my relationship with them was genuinely good.

Even though my mother-in-law frequently interfered in our decisions—questioning where we were going and why, and often insisting we should stay home—I still respected and loved them.

I saw her actions through the lens of a mother who loves her son and needed time to adjust to the reality that he was no longer hers alone.

The Pressure of Jealousy and Control

But when I stepped into my husband’s life, I was not prepared for the level of jealousy that surfaced because of our relationship.

My husband and I had desired to get married quickly, yet his parents repeatedly tried to persuade him not to take that step.

Even though we didn’t have everything figured out at the time, I believe God blesses the steps we take when they align with His will.

Under all that pressure, however, we chose not to get married. We wanted to please people more than we wanted to please God.

And to be fair, we were not yet born again during that season, nor were we fully convicted or bold in our decisions.

The fear of man lays a snare,but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Proverbs 29:25 ESV

The Financial Nightmare Begins

Life went on, and everything still seemed good in our relationship with his parents (aside from a few disagreements we both had) until one day the bank suddenly blocked my husband’s account without any prior notice.

He later found out that numerous postal reminders and warnings had been sent, but he never received them because someone had hidden them from him.

He had no idea what was happening, and after digging through what felt like an endless hole of debt, we were shocked to discover that it was actually my mother-in-law who had caused it all.

This financial nightmare began with what seemed like a harmless request—she convinced and deceived my husband into taking out a small loan in his name to renovate his room in their family home.

She promised they would pay the monthly installments together. But the loan was never used for his room, and the promised payments never happened.

What started as an innocent act of trust slowly grew into years of financial pressure, confusion, and heartbreak. We had no idea that this one loan would become such a heavy burden.

Part of his income was meant to go toward repaying the loan, just as they had agreed. Yet all the while, we were living a lie that would eventually come crashing down.

Month after month, my husband believed he was paying off the loan, yet the debt only grew. So did the pressure and the painful realization that someone he loved and trusted had taken advantage of him.

Though he worked diligently and lived with almost no expenses, the money kept disappearing from his account. We couldn’t understand why his savings never increased or where the missing funds were going.

Family Betrayal: Broken Trust

The biggest problem was that his mother had access to his bank card, and he wasn’t receiving the monthly statements that would have exposed the truth. Whenever my husband asked for proof that the loan payments were being made, she claimed the bank hadn’t given her a receipt.

A Shocking Discovery at the Bank
When we finally went to the bank and requested monthly statements, we were shocked and furious to discover that the credit hadn’t been repaid at all—not a single installment.

Instead, my mother-in-law had been freely using his account for her own expenses—trips, shopping, and daily costs—without any hesitation or honesty.

Yet the most painful part wasn’t the financial loss—it was the continued lying, even after everything was uncovered.

The Cost of Deception

By the time my husband learned the truth, missed loan payments had resulted in steep penalties, added interest, and legal fees.

The burden of these debts placed a deep strain on our marriage, leading to many arguments and giving the enemy an opportunity to steal, kill, and destroy.

He used the situation to sow division and try to destroy what God was building in our relationship.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

John 10:10 ESV

We soon discovered that his mother had created even more debt in my husband’s name. His bank account was blocked multiple times, each time with high fees for unpaid bills he knew nothing about and had never seen.

The revelation awakened a level of anger and frustration I had never felt before. Something shifted inside me—I was no longer the joyful person I once was, and bitterness, resentment, and deep sorrow took their place.

What hurt me most was that my mother-in-law acted as if nothing had happened. She claimed someone had “hacked” my husband’s bank account and insisted they would move forward “with honesty,” yet the cycle of lies only intensified.

In the end, all the debt fell on my husband’s shoulders, even though he was completely innocent.

Dreams Deferred: Dealing With Ridicule

Like every young couple, we dreamed of building a life and a home together. But before we could even start saving for the future, my husband had to repay thousands of euros in debt that was never his.

It took him four long years to finally free himself from that burden.

As time passed, my anger slowly eased, but unforgiveness and offense began to poison my heart.

The situation left us feeling exposed and vulnerable, easy targets for ridicule and judgment. We were judged for our age and for having nothing to show for ourselves—no home, no driver’s license, nothing the world values.

People looked down on us, and their words cut deeply.

Yet that painful season taught us something invaluable: never to judge others by outward appearances.

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

We rarely see the hidden struggles, the silent pain, or the private battles people carry. God alone is the judge, and He will share this position with no one.

The Poison of Offense: Spiritual Effects of Unforgiveness

My mother-in-law also spoke many hurtful words that left deep wounds, and I eventually avoided visiting their home altogether.

Her actions and words drew me into a cycle of resentment and bitterness. I fell into the baited trap of offense, instead of choosing to forgive and move forward with my life.

It felt like a slow drip of poison seeping into my heart, hardening the very places God longed to heal.

The Work of Sanctification: Godly Conviction

When I was born again, the Lord began a deep work of sanctification within me.

As I read God’s Word on forgiveness, I told myself I held no resentment—yet in truth, I was in denial.

God tried to convict me that unforgiveness is sin and that I needed to deal with it, but at that time, I was unwilling to open my spiritual eyes and listen.

A veil still covered my eyes, and His light could not fully reach my heart. If a veil covers our spiritual eyes, then our image of the Lord becomes distorted.

One day, however, I was profoundly moved by a pastor’s testimony.

He shared the story of a father whose son had gone astray. Despite the father’s fervent prayers, the son refused to return home.

Then the Lord revealed to the father that he himself still carried unresolved issues with someone.

Once the father humbled himself, sought forgiveness, and made things right, his son returned home.

The testimony pierced my heart and fully awakened me. I realized that I, too, was carrying unforgiveness.

I had not truly made peace with others, and the Lord was calling me to face it so that freedom could finally begin.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 5:9 ESV

God’s Mirror

It was as if God held up a mirror before me, revealing all the people toward whom I still felt deep resentment.

Then one morning, as I poured out my heart to the Lord about the offense that lingered toward my mother-in-law, He spoke words that pierced straight through me:

“Many have indeed hurt you—but how many have you hurt?”

His question stopped me in my tracks. It drew me into a deep and sobering self-examination.

I began to see just how often my own behavior had fallen short, and my heart grieved as the Holy Spirit revealed this truth to me.

I found myself wondering, “How many doors in my life may have remained closed because of this?”

Forgiveness and Pride

My first response to the call to forgive was rooted in pride: “I’m not going to be the first to go and apologize. They’re the ones who hurt me.”

Yet deep within my spirit, I knew the truth—until I fully forgave, I could not fully walk in the forgiveness Jesus had already offered me.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15 ESV

Humility and Forgiveness

The moment we humble ourselves, the Lord opens the door for us to move forward. Almost unexpectedly, opportunities arose for me to apologize and seek reconciliation with several people.

As I took those first steps of obedience, tears of repentance and joy streamed down my face. For the first time, I felt the chains of offense and bitterness begin to loosen.

But when it came to forgiving my mother-in-law, I still wrestled with it. Pride clung tightly to my heart, whispering that I shouldn’t be the first to forgive—that she was the one who had caused the pain.

Yet deep down, I knew the truth: until I fully surrendered my pride and forgave, God’s full healing could not flow through me.

I had to lay down my pride and clothe myself instead with mercy and humility, allowing Jesus to work in my heart.

Unforgiveness Can Hinder Prayer

I sensed that God was waiting for me to forgive wholeheartedly before He would turn His ear to my prayers. I knew I needed to take this step toward reconciliation.

Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

Matthew 5:25-26 ESV

Forgiveness Brings Freedom

And it happened—right at my mother-in-law’s birthday celebration.

Before offering my birthday wishes, I spoke words of forgiveness to my mother-in-law.

I also took responsibility for my part and apologized for my past wrongdoings.

The Lord had already spoken to me beforehand:

“This will also be for her salvation.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and as we hugged, it felt as though the Lord Himself had made peace between us.

That moment marked a turning point in my life. I realized that holding onto bitterness only kept me bound, while forgiveness opened the door to true freedom.

I truly believe that this act of forgiveness broke down the bronze and iron walls of resentment and built new bridges of God’s grace and love.

Over time, I was completely freed from a mental list of wrongs—the memories and records of hurt no longer held power over me.

It was as if the old CD recording of Satan’s reminder—“Look what they’ve done to you”—had been deleted.

I let go of all the grudges I held toward my mother-in-law and stopped replaying the wound over and over in my mind. I could finally move forward in peace, rejoicing in the freedom that is in Christ.

Lovekeeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV

Looking back, I see how blind I was, bound by unforgiveness, and I grieve the years I spent trapped in the enemy’s deception.

I am deeply grateful to the Lord, who empowered me to forgive and break free from the chains of bitterness, offense, and resentment.

If our Savior has forgiven us a debt beyond measure, how can we not extend that same forgiveness to others?

And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses,by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.

Colossians 2:13-14 ESV

Bitterness can cause you back from blessings. Unless you forgive, you can’t be forgiven.

God Restores Relationships

Today, my relationship with my husband’s parents is so much different from what it was in the beginning.

Laughter and blessing have returned to our relationship. It’s not perfect, but when I visit them, I come in peace and joy, and I choose to show love and respect.

I have learned that when we choose to forgive, we not only obey the Lord, but we also open the door for His love to transform even the most broken relationships.

If you struggle to forgive someone and the hurt feels too deep to overcome, I highly recommend reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.

This book helped me see my past wounds from an entirely new perspective and look at every situation differently.

Remember, forgiveness starts by looking at the cross. We forgive because we were first forgiven.