I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness for multiple years before finding Christ.
Since childhood, I have always felt different, as though I didn’t quite belong in any group of people.
Through repeated disappointments—especially in my career path—God was gently revealing to me that placing my hope in people, money, success, worldly treasures, or circumstances will always fail. Only He is unshakable. As Scripture says:
“Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD Himself, is the Rock eternal.”
Isaiah 26:4 (NIV)
I once saw God as completely unattainable—distant, harsh, and only willing to accept me if I achieved everything the world demanded.
I lived in anger, fear, and strife. My words were obscene, my mouth full of cursing, and my heart enslaved to lust.
I sought pleasure in pornography, thinking it could fill the void inside me—but it never did. Instead, it left me empty, broken, and sorrowful.
After each time, I would weep because the Holy Spirit pierced my heart with the truth: this is sin, and it is not pleasing to Him. It was a slow, painful awakening, like fire refining dross.
Yet even in the midst of my rebellion and shame, God’s Spirit was speaking, calling me to Himself, revealing that His love was not based on my perfection or worldly achievements—but on His mercy and grace.
But glory be to God, I am not that person anymore! I want to share with you how Jesus changed me. Here is my salvation testimony; it is an odyssey of shattered dreams and numerous career setbacks.
Trials and tribulations drew me closer to Jesus, and I began to seek Him with all my heart—not only in moments of ‘SOS help’ or through hurried prayers filled with requests.
Come and hear what Jesus has done for me: how He turned my depression into unspeakable joy and ignited in me a burning passion for His unique purpose.
My life before Christ
I grew up Catholic and regularly attended religious education classes. When it came to the existence of God, I believed in a higher power, and as a little girl, I prayed every night to Mary and Jesus.
There was even a season in my childhood when I felt a burning desire to pray and attend church, and I was very curious about the reason why.
During my high school years, however, I became deeply drawn to the world of the occult—horoscopes, bioenergy, and fortune-telling.
Despite achieving great success in school, an unexplained sadness would always smolder in my heart.
I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, and a deep sense of emptiness, often tormented by the question of what the purpose of my life truly was.
One day, a classmate suggested that I visit a fortune teller who had supposedly “fixed” her life for the better.
I was desperate to be happy, and in a moment of madness and vulnerability, I went.
After the visit, intense drama began to unfold within my family. Instead of peace, I felt guilty, dirty, and even more unhappy than before.
Yet the deep cry of emptiness in my heart would not let me rest.
I continued searching for truth and relief, which led me to visit a bioenergetic practitioner, hoping to finally experience my long-awaited “moment of peace.”
At first, it seemed to work. After the visit, my heart was filled with great joy and happiness, and my thoughts felt completely renewed. I believed I had finally found what I had been searching for all my life.
But that sense of “spiritual fulfillment” was short-lived.
When the emotional high faded, my life slipped back into its old patterns—I felt even worse than before, as if the emptiness had deepened and a million demons had returned.
What I thought was light had only left me feeling darker and more broken than ever.
“For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
2 Corinthians 11:13-14 ESV
Soon after, I met my husband’s sister, who shared the gospel with me and gave me a Bible. At that time, God’s Word didn’t seem to penetrate my heart; it felt more like reading unattainable science fiction.
Looking back now, I realize that I saw Jesus more as a golden ticket to everything I wanted rather than as my Lord and Savior.
In my searching, I longed for success, but I could not find it in this world.
I prayed for forgiveness of my sins, yet my heart remained unchanged. I did not truly understand the gospel—what it means to believe, or how to believe.
I had a million questions about God, and I often talked with my sister-in-law, asking her for answers about Him.
Then, in 2020, when the global pandemic began, my husband and I were both left at home without work.
During that time, I discovered a faith-based Facebook group (As for me and my house), which became a tremendous blessing in my life.
Hearing the truth of the Gospel: Jesus loves you; He died for you, and it’s all about a relationship with Him,began to change me.
As this truth began to sink in, I found myself searching for freedom from the burdens I carried. I spent my abundant free time each day on a small hill, talking with the Lord and pouring out my heart to Him.
I was deeply depressed and discouraged, struggling with sadness because my career path had not unfolded the way I had hoped.
Repeated career rejections and failures filled me with an overwhelming fear of the future.
I felt especially discouraged when I compared my life to the apparent success of others, while my own seemed marked only by defeat. I truly felt like the biggest loser.
I lived in tears, regret, and self-condemnation. Many people hurt me, and I experienced deep disappointment—but even in that brokenness, God was quietly drawing me closer to Himself.
Setbacks followed one after another, and the disappointments seemed never-ending.
Looking back, I now see that this was God’s way of stripping me of everything I was relying on apart from Him. Painful as it was, it was exactly what I needed to draw closer to Him.
I had a lot of free time, so I began exploring the testimonies of people who had encountered Jesus. I remember thinking, “There must be something to this.”
Watching the documentary The American Gospel also helped ground me and confront me with God’s truth.
I began to understand that Jesus isn’t a golden ticket to worldly success or wealth.
Rather, it’s about being born again and experiencing a deep, inner transformation through Him—Jesus, who gave His life for our sins and now lives.
With this realization, my spiritual eyes began to open, and I felt a stirring in my heart that I had never experienced before.
One day, the Holy Spirit prompted me to buy a small notebook and begin writing down verses from God’s Word.
As I obeyed, something beautiful began to unfold. My spiritual eyes began to open, and I grew in my understanding of God’s character.
I remember writing down the verse, “I, I am He who comforts you” (Isaiah 51:12), and in that moment, it occurred to me:
“What—God comforts me? Is He my Comforter? Is He truly that personal?”
The truth began to settle deeply in my heart. In that moment, I realized God truly desires a close, personal relationship with me.
During that season of questioning—the how, when, and why—my husband and I took our final student jobs. Around that time, I placed an image with a Bible verse in our car that had deeply touched me:
“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock.”
Isaiah 26:4 ESV
I often wondered what that Rock truly meant.
The true answer came through a series of painful career disappointments. In the midst of them, the Lord spoke to my heart:
“Because people have disappointed you, you believed I would too.But I am not like people who cannot be trusted. I am the Almighty God who stands by your side. You can trust Me—I will never betray you.”
In that very moment, I began to understand that God is our unshakable foundation, faithful and steadfast, even when everything else fails.
It was a turning point that strengthened my trust in Him and drew me closer into His loving embrace.
HOW I ENCOUNTERED CHRIST
In the meantime, I traveled to Sicily over the summer, and when I returned home, my student status had expired. Fear of being unemployed overtook me, and I came to the end of myself—God became the only lifeline I had left.
After experiencing numerous job rejections, I was deeply anxious about where my husband and I would find work.
On the last day of our trip, I prayed, confessing that I believed Jesus Christ had died for me—for my sins. In my spirit, I felt myself drawing very near to salvation.
I was confronted with the anxiety-filled reality that we would be without work for a season.
With my husband leaving for his hometown just four days later, panic set in. I feared being alone at home, without a job, and having too much time to face myself and my own thoughts—it terrified me.
Under the weight of stress, worry, and regret over decisions that hadn’t turned out the way I had hoped, I reached a breaking point and experienced a complete emotional and mental breakdown.
I remember sitting with a childhood photo album, looking at pictures of myself as a baby in my mother’s arms.
All the while, I was screaming and crying out in deep emotional pain, asking why I was even alive, what my purpose was, and why all of this was happening to me.
I felt utterly desperate and completely at the end of myself.
Just before I gave my life to Jesus, I was watching numerous sermons when I heard a pastor share a powerful metaphor—and it truly clicked in my heart.
He said our relationship with God is like a phone that needs to be recharged. When our spiritual battery is running low, we must plug into the right source—Jesus Christ, the only One who can truly restore and fill our hearts.
That was the moment I finally humbled myself and surrendered my life to Jesus. I poured out my soul to Him, speaking to Him as if He were my closest friend. In that prayer, I felt overwhelming joy, peace, and freedom! In an instant, the Holy Spirit renewed me and healed everything that had been tormenting me.
The Lord completely renewed me through the washing of regeneration and the renewal of the Holy Spirit, and He anointed me with His Spirit.
It was truly the best day of my life.
MY LIFE SINCE THEN
From that moment on, I began speaking with the Lord daily, and I was continually filled with the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I tasted the goodness of God, my spiritual eyes were opened, and it was truly wonderful.
After being born again, my life had truly just begun. I was given purpose, new desires, and a burning desire to serve and please the Lord.
God’s truth and love began to penetrate my heart and transform me from the inside out.
This change was evident even in my attitude toward sin. When I fell short, I felt a deep sorrow—not out of fear, but because I had grieved God’s heart.
Suddenly, I no longer sought empty glory in the world or in myself, but glory in the living and true God.
Praise be to the name of the Lord, who drew me closer to Himself through trials, carried me into His loving embrace, and set my feet upon the rock of His mercy.
All my dreams had been shattered, but the Lord had a far greater plan—one that would bring glory to His name. For that, I give Him thanks.
It’s been five years since I have been walking with Jesus. I can say without a shred of doubt that life with Jesus is way better than life without Him.
Life in Christ is rich, fulfilling, and joyful—painted with beautiful colors only God can paint.
My walk with Jesus has not always been easy. I still face many trials, and one of the most painful seasons was losing the sweet, manifested presence of the Holy Spirit—a loss that stripped me of self-reliance and exposed every place where I had leaned on feeling rather than faith.
In that place, I had to count the cost: to deny myself, take up my cross, and surrender my own desires to follow God’s will for my life.
I am learning to release control over my future, my plans, and my expectations, and to trust the leading of the Spirit even when the waters feel deep and unfamiliar.
But I do not walk this road alone. He strengthens me, comforts me, speaks to me, and through it all, He is always with me.
Often, our flesh will not be pampered as we obey God. The narrow road is at times marked by fierce storms, persecution, and pruning—yet it leads to a depth of peace, joy, and freedom that this world can never offer.
He turns mourning into joy, ashes into beauty, and brokenness into purpose.
To walk with Him is to walk in resurrection power, eternal hope, and divine calling.
And no storm, and no trial can ever compare to the glory of a life fully surrendered to Christ.
When you truly experience God’s love for the first time, you will never be the same again. You are born again and transformed from the inside out. It’s as if your life is just beginning—you are alive!
Jesus loves us so much that He died on the cross for our sins so that we might pass from death to life. What matters to God is our heart and our relationship with Him. His living water is free; let us drink from this life-giving spring!
That’s how my walk with Christ began. How did yours? I’d love to hear about your story! And if you haven’t found the Truth yet, what’s keeping you from accepting His redeeming love?